January 8, 2009

Wayne vs. Wayne

The Center of the Venn (a diagram of similarities)

Before reading a word, please LISTEN.

What were the chances that two equally dapper and similarly attired Hillsdale freshman would meet through a common love of The Hives and four years later find themselves living in towns named after the same fiery Revolutionary War hero while competing against Gannett newspapers, also of the same name?

Suffice it to say, it happened. The details below will paint the picture, and clarify the Center of the Venn diagram too.


WAYNESVILLE WAYNESBORO
Rookie reporter Jack Tony
Population 3,507 (˜ 20,000 when grouped with St. Robert and Ft. Leonard Wood "metro" area) 21,454
Namesake "Mad" Anthony Wayne "Mad" Anthony Wayne
Competing newspaper The News Leader, Springfield The News Leader, Staunton
Historical fame prostitution capitol birthplace of spandex
Nearby nat'l landmarks Mark Twain National Forest Shenandoah National Park, Monticello
Downtown is: classic in disrepair classic with vacancies
City motto Preserving the Past, Planning for the Future Hospitality in the Valley
Incredible discovery KDHX in St. Louis, best station ever. And WJR in Detroit comes in too. lost-freight company
Area employers Ft. Leonard Wood Invista, Hershey, Little Debbie, Target
Nearby nature the Ozarks mountains, bears, contaminated fish
Historic Highway Route 66 Blue Ridge Parkway
Cheesy attraction Stubby Stonehenge (Rolla) giant watering can (Staunton)
Prob. of getting lost on mountain highways high moderate
Weekend pastimes High school sports making local liquor store most lucrative in the state
Gang presence? none...unless counting soldiers vs. strip club security personnel Bloods, Crips, MS13, Burples, VA Stickups, etc.
Town reputation: conservative; military groan-inducing
Big news lately Serviceman court martial School murder plot; 41-year-old case closed
Recommend town for living? no. no.

More about the namesake: Anthony Wayne (January 1, 1745–December 15, 1796) was a United States Army general and statesman. His military exploits and fiery personality quickly earned him a promotion and the sobriquet of "Mad Anthony".

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4 Comments:

Blogger Naomi said...

This was great, guys. I really enjoyed learning about your towns, God-forsaken as they seem.

January 8, 2009 at 4:20 PM 
Anonymous dave said...

WHooooa.

I cannot let alone all this talk of General Mad Anthony Wayne without pointing out his most important legacy:

Fort Wayne, Indiana.

Not only was I born, raised and troubled there, it is also one of the many areas in which the good general loved killing American Indians.

We, the people of Fort Wayne, have gone onto honor the general by naming tons of shit after him including:

- Our minor league basketball team, the Mad Ants
- Our best microbrewery, the Mad Anthony Brewing Company
- Our largest dessert at the locally-owned Atz's Ice Cream Shoppe, the Mad Anthony
- Our Lutheran hospital's nonprofit, Mad Anthony's Children's House

Also, there is a statue of him downtown riding a horse and the horse has a huge horse penis which is unbelievably hilarious when you are a child.

January 11, 2009 at 7:17 AM 
Blogger JHitts said...

"Mad Anthony's Children's House"?

Really?

January 11, 2009 at 5:25 PM 
Blogger sean said...

Tony,
One more connection that might attract you. For cheesy attractions, Jack had the stubby stonehenge. Well, don't fear because the Blue Ridge has its own Stonehenge reproduction. Its called Fomehenge: an exact replica of Stonehenge made out of foam and also includes a fiber-glass cast wizard. Go on 81 south and take the exit before Natural Bridge, it should lead you on Route 11. Take that south also and somewhere between that exit and natural bridge you will find it. Supposedly, he was going to fix it up some more. If you go, let me know if there are any changes.
Sean McDermott

January 19, 2009 at 10:01 AM 

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